Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
