I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
