Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
