guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
