An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
