Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
