One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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