i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
