she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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