I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
