Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
