I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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