I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
