low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
