i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
