i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize