I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
