you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My pussy is not your playground.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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