The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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