So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
