All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize