lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
