You're completely useless in the revolution.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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