Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
