My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
