Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
