I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
