I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
