i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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