Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
