Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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