My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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