Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
