I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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