take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
