come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I seem to have left my pride at pride
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My underwear smells like fireworks.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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