Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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