Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
