I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
