I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
