i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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