My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
worst night to have a conscience
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize