yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think a kid would responsible me up
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
