my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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