I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Randomize
