last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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