Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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