he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
