So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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