she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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