Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
