Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
