i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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