i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need water and some morals
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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