he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
