Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
