whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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