His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
