Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
