I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
