He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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