it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize