I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
