i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Randomize
