Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
