I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
