You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
