I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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