Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I need a burrito and a hug.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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