I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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