sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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